Pink Shirt Day began with two boys standing up for a fellow male schoolmate, who was bullied for wearing a pink shirt to school. Since then, it’s grown into a national effort to take a stand against bullying, with people wearing pink shirts, donating money and raising awareness about bullying in schools. Before I get into how we can stop bullying I want to share my own story. A month ago, I wrote a post for Bell Let’s Talk Day, which talked about the topic of bulling in my life and how it altered my experience in school. Here’s a quick excerpt from that post if you missed it:
At school, I barely made friends.
If you’ve ever heard someone ask a kid “why is your skin (insert colour here)?”, you’ll know that as a kid, you don’t have an answer other than, “it just is”. But in my school, being brown skinned, made me a bit of an outcast. Pair that with my focus on art, reading, writing, and perfecting every fine detail, kids weren’t exactly friendly. I didnt have the same skin colour. In fact, I didnt look the same as anyone. I had thick bushy eyebrows, an underbite, big eyes, and my clothes tended to be hand-me-downs from my sister, who was a late 80’s baby. I didn’t look the same, my interests weren’t the same, and my mannerisms weren’t the same as other kids’ either.
I was “weird”. And kids took advantage of my differences. To the point that I gained myself a bully or two. I’ll never forget those girls, and they did a lot of damage to my self-esteem. Damage, that Im still working through 15+ years later. And whenever I hear their names, a lot of old, angry feelings come rushing back.
My parents and I didn’t realize it, but as a child, I did show a lot of signs of anxiety. I came home many days with headaches or stomach aches that I couldn’t explain. Or I’d be nervous to go to birthday parties (well, those that the entire class was invited to). I’d be nervous to wear certain clothes because I didn’t want to be made fun of for matching every detail. I’d be nervous to give presentations. I’d be nervous to make a bully angry for simply having a different opinion. Despite the nerves, I remained somewhat outgoing. I always wanted to be an actress, so I thought I’d try to be the lead in class plays (never successfully). I even joined sports teams because it was something new to do.
No matter what, I was still pushed off to the side, or I was picked on, verbally harassed and often left out.
And it didn’t stop in school. In fact, girls would call me at home just to make fun of me, or make me feel uncomfortable about how I was doing academically in school–which was really none of their business. I was desperate to fit in. And so I entertained the phonecalls, until it made me scared to answer the phone.
To the point that I copied everything my #1 bully used to do. If she was wearing a certain hat, I made sure to buy it. If she was reading a book, I would read the same. It was some twisted “friendship”, which I let her rule. She decided everything. She tore me to shreds if she felt like it. She ignored me if she felt like it. She turned all the other girls against me if she felt like it. She even tried to get me to bully other people, so she didn’t have to (which wasn’t very successful).
My mom used to tell me, “Why are you hanging out with a girl who will bully you? Walk away!”. But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. The bully would just be right there, waiting for my next “mistake”. The worst part is, teachers and the principal did nothing to address the situation no matter how many times my mom came in to complain. She was an angel to them, but she was actually a wolf in sheep clothing.
Being her minion was a rollercoaster ride, without any indication of what would happen next. It made me sick for years.
From Grade 1 to Grade 8, I did not enjoy school for the most part. I liked aspects of it, but honestly, I would have preferred to stay at home to learn. I managed to make a few friends, but overall, people weren’t kind, and a lot of my memories are negative ones.
It’s been a while since I’ve been in the elementary school environment, but I can remember a few things about bullying and how it was dealt with in school. Teachers would always reinforce the idea that you had to “be nice”, to everyone, but rarely would they address bullying. I think in my entirety of elementary school career, there was only one incident where a teacher told the entire class that she was seeing a lot of bullying and that we needed to be more respectful of others. But other than that, there was never a severe consequence for being a bully and bullies were not called out on their actions. Even the principal, who my parents spoke to multiple times about the escalation of bullying, didn’t do much about it, and instead focused on his fundraisers. **sidenote–he wasn’t a well liked principal, and there were many complaints about how he dealt with parent concerns**
The sad part is, bullies don’t usually pay the consequence for their actions. Instead, it’s the children they pick on. For me, being bullied resulted in a lot of anxiety in school and a lack of desire to be around other kids and make friends. It still has an effect on me to this day, and is something that I will never forget happened, regardless of how many times I tell myself to let go of the past.
Because, the thing is, the effects of bullying doesn’t end when the bully stops–it stays with you for life.
Now with cellphones, social media, and internet in every household (much different than how I grew up as a kid), I can imagine that escaping bullies is a lot more difficult. The lines for bullies are more open than before, especially within the cyberworld. Bullies have so many ways they can get to you and wreak havoc. There’s the emotional and mental side of bullying–which is what I experienced–but for some, there is also the physical side, the verbal side, and the cyber side. In any bullying situation, it is very important to do something about the bully/bullies, before it escalates too much!
From my personal experience, I wanted to share a few tips with everyone on how to combat bullying yourself (if you’re in school) , and ways you can help others who are getting bullied (if you’re a parent, friend, etc) :
For ANY type of bullying (emotional/mental, physical, verbal, cyber) be sure to let someone you trust know about what is going on. This can be a parent, sibling, grandparent, mentor, teacher, or anyone in an authoritative position. You don’t need to keep the bullying a secret! Chances are, the person you tell, will help you address/ deal with the bully, or bring it up to someone’s attention who has the right tools to do so.
If you can, try to stay with a group of people. This makes it a lot harder for a bully to single you out, and this ensures there are witnesses if the bully does try to pick on you. If you find yourself alone with a bully, walk away or don’t engage with them. It only adds fuel to their fire if you subject yourself to their actions/words.
If you are being cyberbullied, keep copies of what has been said whether it from texts, emails, posts, photos, etc. You can always pull up this proof later if it is necessary to show someone (like a teacher or if is more serious, a police officer). Also, keep your cellphone and computer use to a minimum at home, so you don’t have to deal with bullying in a place where you should feel the most comfortable.
Always stand up for someone else who is being bullied. It may not be easy, but it is the right thing to do, and it will deter the bully. Do not just be a bystander, imagine if you were in the same situation! You would want someone to help you too!
Always ask how someone’s day was at school. My mum used to ask (and still asks me) how my day went. As a kid, my mum was able to pick up on the fact that people weren’t treating me well at school because I complained about stomach aches daily, which eventually, is how the bullying was discovered. Asking questions is a great way to get to the root of a potential bullying problem.
If you think you may have medical problems or a mental illness due to the bullying, don’t be afraid to seek help. And parents, be sure to keep an eye out for any indications of bullying such as brusies/cuts, increased anxiety, lack of friends, etc.
Talk to teachers and members of school staff to see if there are any bullying initiatives in the school to stop bullying, or if there are resources to help a child if they are being bullied. If the school isn’t made aware of a bullying problem, they may not pick up on it themselves, which results in a prolonged problem.
Above all, the best way you can combat bullying, is to be a friend, “make nice”, and respect others!
As a kid, I didn’t have many friends, but the ones I did have who were respectful of me, were the ones that made going to school a bit more bearable. If you are trying to make friends with someone who is being bullied, they may not trust you much at first. But if you continue to show kindness and respect, you will make a difference in their life. Showing someone friendship and respect can be as simple as eating lunch with them or playing with them at recess. Funny enough, a lot of the same rules apply to bullying in the workplace, which is something that perhaps more adults can currently relate to. Sometimes, bullying doesn’t end when people grow up, and some people turn into worse bullies as adults. Try to use some of the same ideas/guidelines if you have a bullying problem in your work place. And don’t forget to be kind to your coworkers!
I hope that everyone gets involved with Pink Shirt Day and tries their best to put a stop in bullying. I truly wish that every school kid had a positive experience in a place that should feel safe and fun–but it will only happen when the problem is fully addressed!
Keep raising the awareness today and onwards by using the #pinkshirtday and take a #pinkshirtpromise to help stop bullying! My #pinkshirtpromise is to continue sharing my stories about bullying and mental health so that other kids/people don’t have to feel so alone in whatever they are going through.
All donations that are made to the campaign go towards programs that help children build self-esteem and create kinder schools. If you need more information about this awesome idea,click this Pink Shirt Day link, or check out their twitter @pinkshirtday
