Valentine’s Day, Loving Others, and Loving Yourself
Valentine’s Day is a stressful day. Flat out, just is. Whether you’re in a relationship, dating, talking, wheeling, dealing, hooking up, single, or any other statuses out there, the day is stressful! So I thought I’d write a bit about how you, no matter what relationship status you may find yourself in, can survive Valentine’s Day and learn to love yourself more!
First and foremost, I beg you to remind yourself that Valentine’s Day is just a heavily marketed holiday. Much like Christmas, New Years, Easter, St. Patrick’s Day, Canada Day, Thanksgiving, and pretty much any other holiday companies make money from, Valentine’s Day is set up to make people buy things and feel the need to buy things. But you really don’t need to! Trust me.
If Valentine’s Day has any meaning, it’s to show love and caring towards people in your life. You don’t always have to spend money to show someone you love or care for them. Actually, spending time with someone or creating memories can be worth more than any piece of jewelry, gaming console, or ridiculously overpriced present you would otherwise buy. Plus, it saves you from arguing about money later. While I’m sure everyone would love getting a little gift on Valentine’s Day, I feel like people need to be reminded that if you truly do love someone, you don’t need a holiday to give them something special. If you do go the gift route, however, go for something with a lot of meaning, not with the largest price tag. Even a hand-made coupon for a movie night-in is a great gift to show you care. And this doesn’t just apply to couples–this can apply to siblings, family members, friends, coworkers–whoever you want to show you love for them!
Which brings me to my next point…Love encompasses so many meanings and takes so many forms. Love isn’t always something that has to be a romantic, over-the-top, tongue down someone’s throat, ordeal. Think about the love between siblings, or the love between a parent and their child. Each relationship (not just romantic ones) has a different shape of love with a different dynamic. So if you do want to celebrate Valentine’s Day, don’t feel like you’re limited to showing love in the romantic way. There’s more than one way to show you love and care about people: Call up family members and actually talk. Spend time getting coffee with your friends. Leave a funny meme on a coworkers desk. Any little thing to show someone you care about them, goes a long way–especially on a day that many people dislike because of coupley-relationshippy mentality that surrounds the day.
Stop that mentality right now! Show whomever that you love and care about them, even if it’s your pet–after all they need it too! Humans and animals alike will appreciate the small gestures of caring and love. It may just brighten up what is usually a gloomy and hate-filled day, and fill them with a little spark of love. But most importantly, don’t forget to show some love to yourself–after all, who knows you better than you!
As someone who deals with a lot of anxiety, I find it really hard to love myself some days. I tend to get caught up in the thinking trap that someone out there is better than me, or has their $#!+ pulled together a bit more than I’ve managed to…so far. In truth, sure, someone out there is probably better than me at something, and yeah, someone likely has things sorted out a bit more. But really, you have to love yourself for who you are and what you’ve accomplished, and avoid comparing whenever you can!
And in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I want to add here: don’t worry about your relationship status. While for the past few years I’ve been in a relationship, I’ve also spent Valentine’s Day alone, with my parents, with my friends, or dealing with complete idiots (I’ll save those stories). Status aside, I have to say, I’m happy to realize and remind myself Valentine’s Day is just a day to celebrate love–whether it’s loving someone else or loving yourself, and that it doesn’t have to stop after the day is over! And just to let you guys know, I have zero shame in admitting that I’ve bought myself Valentine’s presents in the past and zero shame in admitting that I do buy the discounted chocolate and candy. A little self-love and respect can go a long way friends! To wrap this post up, I thought I’d share a couple of ideas for loving and accepting who you are, which are useful on a day like today, but also on a regular basis. Here we go:
Loving yourself can be as simple as writing down some of your best qualities in a book, and reading through it on a daily basis. This sounds corny, but it does make you feel a bit better when you’re having a rough day, and keeps building your confidence on a regular basis.
This one is a method my sister showed me: Write sticky notes with positive messages and leave them on a mirror that you use in the mornings. That way, you can read a message that says “You’re a star, and don’t forget it!”, while you’re getting ready to head to work or school. It’s a total confidence booster if you read it and try to believe it until you really do believe it. Half the battle to loving yourself is believing in who you are. It’s taken me years (and I’m still learning) to love who I am and what I am. So if I can believe I’m a star, I’m going to take it and run with it for the day!
Alright, this tip goes for both men and women–pamper yourself. You don’t have to go out to a high-priced spa to do this either! Pampering yourself can be as simple as taking care of your skin, taking a long shower or bath, or giving yourself a morning to sleep in and forget about life’s stresses. It will make you feel good physically, and it will give you time to relax and just focus on grooming as opposed to negative thoughts.
Set aside time for a hobby that you love! I’ve found that when I do some of my favourite hobbies (besides watching TV and napping) I end up feeling more connected to myself and much more confident. Doing art has always been a hobby of mine, and after a few hours of it, I tend to have a much better outlook on life. You don’t have to go the artistic route either. Sports, music and collecting are all great hobbies as well!
Find time to be alone, and also find time to be with friends and family. Finding a balance between being alone and being with other people is particularly difficult for people who are introverted, like me! Introverts need some interaction with others, but also need the time alone to recharge, whereas extroverts need lots of interaction with others, and minimal time alone. Once you figure out which side of the spectrum you’re on, plan your time accordingly. Introverts: If you know you have a lot of social events in a week and you need a break, set aside a day or two to recharge by yourself and do nothing. Extroverts: If you have minimal social events in a week, find activities to fill your time and call up people to plan events. Take your left over time to plan ahead.
Accept that it is 100% okay not to succeed at everything. I assume I’m not the only one who wishes they were amazing at everything. But, realistically, it’s just not possible, and you have to admit, the world be boring if everyone had the same level of skill. Would we even have professional sports players or high-paid movie stars? Having certain skills, and admiring the skills of others is just how life works. While it’s not always easy to accept, try your best to know your strengths and successes, and cheer on others for theirs!
Let yourself have time to reflect on your journey thus far. It’s incredible to take a look back on all the things you’ve done in life or things that have happened, and see how it’s shaped you into who you are today–whether they are good or bad things! Journaling helps to do this, especially if you set aside a few minutes at the end of the day to reflect and write down how your day was. Try to keep a positive spin on things, despite any negatives or downfalls you may find in your journey. After all, you keep going despite any obstacles in your way!
Lastly, if you haven’t gathered from the tips above, my message is to treat yourself as kindly as possible! You’re human and you have your limits! Make sure you take the time to indulge in sneaky treats, some reasonable impulse buys, days to laze around the house, and some days to let loose.
Always take care and love of yourself as best you can, and reach out to others if you need help!
